Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
