whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
