I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
