the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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