it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize