it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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