went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
