I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
