so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hippo gnu deer
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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