I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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