She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
