I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
