It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
