If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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