I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I want a musical about memes.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
