i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
