she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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