if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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