if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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