Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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