im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize