Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
