bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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