No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize