made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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