Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
