at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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