saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
