Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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