with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
