My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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