we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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