We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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