It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
