FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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