I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize