p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize