After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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