Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
