well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
