i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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