Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
