I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize