In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Never underestimate the power of titties
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
