he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
