Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My feet surprised me
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