Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
