Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
