I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
