She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Did I show you my penis last night?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize