This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
