Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
