Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
