im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
