Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
