Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
