someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
