I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
