walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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