butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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