I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
