I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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