you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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