I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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