Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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