Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
