So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
