I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
