I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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