you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
