I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
