Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
