I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We left an ass print on the piano.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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