Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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