Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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