I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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