it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
