my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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