That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
