I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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