why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm like, not good at living.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
