You're completely useless in the revolution.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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