so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
