With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
