1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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