Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm always down for nudity.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
