Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize