billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
