Need sex. Gaining weight.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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