i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
