i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
