I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
