3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize