my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My vagina is officially offended.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize