You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
