I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Randomize
