Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
