I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
