big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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