We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
