I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
