I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
