you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
