I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
