Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
